Practical and proven tips to improve communication and performance at work and in life. I remember when I first enrolled in coaching School at NYU. Each of us were asked to share why we were going to be a great coach. And I clearly remember one of my classmates feeling confident as he said I'm great at giving advice and then quickly became embarrassed when the facilitator responded. Coaches don't give advice. I'll never forget the shock we all experienced in that room because most of us in that room were the person that friends and family would come to when they needed advice. But there's a powerful reason why giving advice doesn't work.
Do you like being told what to do? Most people don't. In many cases when people tell us what to do we're not inspired to take action. So, how do we motivate others? How do we get people motivated to take inspired action?
The short answer is simple through asking questions and helping people think through things on their own. Scientists have discovered that our brain is a connection making machine and when we're able to think through things ourselves and we make a new insight there is a certain amount of energy that gets released when the brain connects a new neural pathway which provides the motivation to take action. Now, let me give you a practical example of this. Let's say someone does something "wrong" at work that you've asked them to do. Instead of telling them what they did wrong ask them, "What do you think is wrong here?" or "What do you think could be improved?" What information do you need to make it better?" Ask questions to help people think through things on their own.
Another way to help people think through things themselves is to invite them to repeat what you communicated in their own words. If you give someone else instructions to go to do a task and someone responds with "Ok I got it." Ask them, "What did you get? Can you repeat it to me in your own words?" This will help both you and the person understand. If you're on the same page and if they accurately understood what you committee communicated and it can save you a lot of time and energy.
Most people are so in their heads and it's very common for people to interpret information based on what they think you said and not what you actually said. I use this in my coaching as well. I invite people to explain a concept in their own words because I know it's helping them think and make new connections.
Let me share some practical neuroscience with you about how and why this works. This is taken from the book Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work by David Rock.
1.) To take any kind of committed action, people need to think through things for themselves;
2.) People experience a degree of inertia around thinking for themselves due to the energy required;
3.) The act of having an aha moment gives off the kind of energy needed for people to become motivated and willing to take action.
Knowing this is such a helpful communication tool based on how our brain works and I use this knowledge all the time I use it in my coaching. I use it in my life even when it comes in handy when I'm ordering something on the phone. Our job as leaders is to help people make their own connections instead of thinking for them. And here's the main takeaway if you help people become better thinkers they will become better performers.
Dr. Debi Silber, President and founder of www.PBTInstitute.com is a recognized health, mindset, empowerment and personal development expert. She’s a speaker, coach and author of the Amazon #1 Bestselling book: The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis, The Unshakable Woman-The Workbook (the companion guide to the book) as well as 2 books recommended by Brian Tracy, Marshall Goldsmith, Jack Canfield and many more. Debi’s contributed to FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz show, TEDx, The Huffington Post, Shape, Self, Health, Working Mother, Forbes, Psychology Today, WebMD, Ladies Home Journal, MSN, Woman’s World and Glamour to name a few. After researching and conducting a PhD study on how women experience betrayal from a family member or partner, Debi has discovered a predictable and proven process taking women from betrayal to breakthrough. That process, coupled with 27 years of health, mindset and personal development training and coaching, enabled her to create a multi-pronged approach to help women heal (physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually) from the trauma of betrayal.
Debi understands the demands of the busy woman because she’s one too. Managing The Silber Center for Personal Growth and Healing along with the PBT Institute™ on Long Island, teaching, speaking, coaching, mentoring and writing, she’s also married to her husband Adam for 27 years, is the proud mom of Dani, Dylan, Camryn and Cole (22, 21, 18 and 16) and is the proud mom of 6 dogs, Scooby, Nike, Roxy, Gigi, Kylie and Brody.
What was your first experience with betrayal?
Her first example with betrayal involved her family. Debi believes that if we do not learn from our mistakes, the universe conspires to put us in the same circumstances again. When the people we trust and are dependent upon break the rules, that is what betrayal is. Most of the times we do not see it coming and to us, it makes no sense at all.
How do you define betrayal?
It is the breaking of the spoken or unspoken rule that has been agreed upon over time. Betrayal has a lot of faces. Many people even feel like they have been betrayed by God. They feel like they will be kept safe and protected if they pray but it doesn’t happen for them and so they feel like a rule has been broken. Betrayal can be between friends, relationship partners, work partners, and the list goes on. It can always arise in situations or relations in which we put our trust and we agree upon certain rules but the outcome is different from what we expect.
How can someone transform and manage betrayal?
You should really build your ability to be resilient. That can help you manage betrayal. As far as transformation is concerned, it requires a whole lot of effort and work on our end.
Can you talk about your study in which you discovered a process through which you can take people from betrayal to breakthrough?
Debi found that with every participant the process became so obvious that it did not matter what the betrayal experience was. Debi found out that there were roughly five steps that participants had to go through if they wanted to put themselves on the path for recovery.
The first step is to focus on our spirituality and our emotions. The second step is to train ourselves to react properly and efficiently when we experience a betrayal. We need to learn to control our emotions because if we don’t we will eventually put our body into chaos as well. The link of our emotions to that of our physical health is very critical. The third step is to make sure we grab on to anything that can prevent us from falling in our emotional conundrum. The fourth stage is about finding and adjusting to a new normal. This is pretty much like when you move to a new house and you do not know your way around. However, you do realize you will get used to it soon. You know it does not feel like home but you are safe. You slowly enter into the fifth stage afterward. This involves healing and a new worldview. This is where the body starts to heal. You become more interested in self-care. The mind starts to heal as well. You are able to make better decisions as a result.
How did you feel when you discovered you had been betrayed by your husband?
Debi is grateful she has been able to heal from her betrayal. She has been able to build her family again and got back together with her husband who betrayed her. She had been with him for almost twenty years. Everything was great. It was only after that when Debi got extremely busy with her business and also had to look after her four kids. Her husband got
busy with his business. Debi started to feel as if her husband had transformed into a completely different person and soon discovered he cheated on her at some point in past. Debi confronted her on this issue and he did not deny it. In fact, her husband immediately told their kids about it as well. Eventually, Debi got back with her husband. During her time in separation, she transformed into a completely spiritual person. She wanted to turn her tragedy into something transformative, something that could also help others around her.
How can someone repent if they have betrayed someone?
The first thing you need to do is to accept responsibility for your actions and confront the person you betrayed. If you prefer to keep it as a secret, if you prefer to suppress the truth hoping somehow things will change, you are not helping anybody. There is no good you can do if you are not ready to reveal the truth to the person who was betrayed.
What is something you have practiced to make yourself more resilient?
Debi always confronts herself with her own truth. She lives in truth. She has become more resilient through meditation and journaling.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice she has been given is to never stop no matter how hard the circumstances are.
How can we connect with you?
You can find more about her work through her website.
Her website’s URL is
You can also take an online quiz to find out if you are or have ever struggled with post-betrayal syndrome from the following link:
Steve Sakala is the co-founder and CEO of Mana Artisan Botanics. He has been a voice for sustainability, regenerative agriculture and medical cannabis for more than two decades. He was educated about the numerous benefits of the cannabis plant at a young age and quickly became passionate about its thousands of uses. As part of a growing movement of companies that want to create a better world, Mana Artisan Botanics is dedicated to crafting pure, chemical and pesticidefree, whole-plant botanicals. They are committed to empowering consumers with evidence-based data on the potential health benefits of phytocannabinoids and leading as a force for good in the rapidly growing cannabis industry.
Steve’s interest in cannabis stemmed from his interest in the environment and becoming an environmentalist. Shortly after high school, he felt that is what he wanted to do. He looked at all the environmental challenges we faced and felt the solutions to these challenges were rather simple to implement. Steve considered hemp an important part of these solutions. He was also interested in hemp because of its psychoactive properties. He worked on the first medical marijuana initiative way back in 1992. In the process of learning about hemp and its industrial uses as well as cannabis and its medicinal uses, he became devoted to getting the word out about the potential of cannabis on so many different levels. His major education has been on natural resources. His focus has always been on sustainable resources, renewable energy, green building materials etc.
Can you tell us about how health plays a role in your mission?
The fact that cannabis has a great potential to deal with health issues and major diseases is something that keeps Steve motivated. He has been in the industry for over 20 years and has worked with numerous medical professionals. Cannabis can help us in so many different ways. Cannabis can help cholesterol patients and blood pressure patients. It is extremely affective against inflammation and is also used to treat sleep disorders. Various studies have been conducted and results have shown that cannabis can also be used to treat diseases like Parkinson’s, Cancer and Alzheimer’s. Steve aims to educate people about the use of cannabis other than its usage as a medicine. He does a lot of education around nutrition.
Can you tell us a little about our endocannabinoid system?
Endocannabinoid system also known as ECS relates to the receptors in our body. ECS has more receptors in the body than any other receptors. Our body produces its own natural cannabinoids called endocannabinoids or endogenous cannabinoids. Our lifestyle has drastically changed in recent years. Due to the modern day toxins, the food we eat, the environment in which we breath and due to our day to day stress, we are not producing enough of our endogenous cannabinoids. Therefore, our indoor cannabinoid system is not playing its role to keep our health in balance. This is called chronic endocannabinoid deficiency. This is resulting in autoimmune and degenerative diseases among a lot of people. Through plants, mainly cannabis, we can try to fulfill the role that endogenous cannabinoids would have played.
Tell us a little about your garden.
After college, Steve left for Africa and spent four years in West Africa focusing on sustainable agriculture. Sustainable agriculture is the foundation of how we can build a sustainable society. Since college, Steve has been interested in growing food and growing medicine. It has become his life’s work. Steve moved to Hawaii about twelve years ago for some work and ended up buying a farm. He was able to grow some very diverse plants and raise animals on the farm as well. His agriculture philosophy is based on diversity. His farm consists of numerous fruit trees; he grows many medicinal plants as well. Steve also has a medicinal cannabis garden. He has been able to grow about 15 to 20 different types of cannabis in the garden.
How much time do you put into nurturing your garden?
Steve spends at least 5-10 hours a week on his cannabis garden. For his farm, he makes sure he spends about 30-40 hours a week.
Can you share someone’s experience of using your product?
There have been numerous people who have been able to undergo health transformation after using Steve’s products. These stories inspire Steve to carry on with his work. Most of these stories relate to sleep disorders of how people were able to treat their irregular sleep patterns through these products. Recently, Steve received feedback from a person who recently had a shoulder surgery and was in extreme pain. He used the cannabis products and was extremely surprised with the results. His pain went away in no time and was amazed with the results.
Can you tell us more about inflammation and how it affects the body?
There are so many health challenges that stem from chronic inflammation. Being able to reduce the amount of internal inflammation is key to being more aligned with how we want to be in our lives. It can help us reduce stress, irritation, pain and anxiety. Steve has extensively worked on his products to make sure they help in reducing inflammation.
What is passiflora?
It is the flower that grows on the passion vines and passion vines are known as passiflora. Passiflora has been used for hundreds of years for various different purposes. It is known to contain a compound that is very helpful for sleep. It can also help deal with anxiety. Steve has also built a product on top of passion flower.
Which one of your own product would you recommend for someone dealing with day to day anxiety or stress?
He recommends his most popular product called the ‘Hawaiian Turmeric Hemp Oil’. The reason it is so popular is because it does not taste like cannabis. Many of his clients do not want to feel like they are consuming cannabis.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice that he has been given is to take care of himself. Steve says a lot of people have said this to him in his life. He believes that being a farmer and an entrepreneur, he tends to be work driven. Since he makes products that help people improve their health, Steve realizes that a lot of people are depending on these products. This gives him a greater sense of responsibility and at times he puts himself in a space where he is not able to take good care of himself.
How can we connect with you?
You can find more about Steve’s work and his products through his website. His website’s URL is
You can find more information about his Garden by visiting the following website:
Leora Edut is the creator of Goddess On The Go, where women connect, move their bodies, and uncover their bombshell beauty in a fun space designed to heal and create lasting fulfillment. Goddess On The Go events have been held internationally in Tulum, Mexico as well as in Hawaii, New York, Los Angeles and Detroit—and is expanding. She is the author of her recent book Goddess On The Go: Rituals To Help You Slow Down and Slay. Her work has been featured in: Elle Magazine, Lucky Magazine, The LA Times, and several others. She has spoken on stage with Marianne Williamson, been an expert on The Dr. Oz Show, and featured in the NY Post. In this episode, we talk about her journey to publishing her first book, her struggles with unhealthy relationships, doing transformational inner work, how she went from being a makeup artist to a lightworker and so much more.
Why do you think you had such a strong passion to publish your book?
Leora felt the story she was writing in her book was very important to get out to the public. It was a story of overcoming traumas, overcoming physical and mental abuse, the story of overcoming issues with alcohol. There were so many life experiences Leora wanted to share with other women because she believes a lot of women undergo the same experiences in their lives.
What was one of your darkest moment that you have shared in the book?
Leora talks about her very first relationship in the book when she was only fifteen years old. She found herself in an abusive relationship for almost a year. This person threatened Leora to commit suicide if she would leave him. He used to stalk Leora, insult her verbally and abuse Leora physically.
Why do you think you got into such a toxic relationship?
Leora believes it was mostly because of her traumatic and abusive childhood. She wanted to get away for it as she grew up in an abusive household. Her father was an alcoholic. Her father was taken away by police after Leora lodged a complaint for his actions. Leora recalls child abuse incidents from her childhood when she was as young as four years old. Her father had to be put into anger management sessions afterward and he started doing a lot of transformational work. As a result, her relationship with her father has improved drastically in recent years.
How much of an impact the events from your childhood have had on your personality?
Initially, it was difficult for Leora to process all the events from her childhood. She believes she wasn’t connecting with the pain and so she tried to suppress the pain mainly through drugs and alcohol. She says when she started doing landmarks, it opened the doors for every kind of other transformation she could think of. It has been a long journey for Leora but she has been able to process the traumatic events from her childhood. Laura believes these events helped her to shape herself as someone who could help young girls and women who have been a subject to abuse. It has helped her to relate to the pain of people around her.
Do you believe that you find purpose in pain?
Leora completely believes in it. Although, she does believe that sometimes when we are in pain, we may not be able to find purpose in it. A lot of times we may even think we are victims of our own circumstances but there can always be a purpose to look for in hard times.
Can you describe what a Landmark is?
It is a weekend workshop and it is super intensive. You sit down and you look at every single area of your life. The landmark consists of different exercises. They involve mediations, visualizations and part of it is making peace with parts of your life you are still holding on to. Landmarks teach you a lot about forgiveness.
What are some big insights you have had from Landmark?
The first insight she gained from the landmark was to let go off the shame that her past had nothing to do with her present. The second thing she learnt was to forgive her father for his past actions. Leora felt she had the choice to either stay angry and bitter or move on in her life.
What do you wish you could have told your four-year-old self?
She wishes she could have told her younger-self that she was going to be fine regardless of the circumstances, that she does not need to dim her life for someone else.
What is your favorite ritual?
Leora has two rituals that she really considers her favorite. One is taking a bath by candlelight along with rose petals, music and wine. The other ritual involves workout in which Leora performs yoga and Pilates.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
“You can do the easy things and have a hard life or do the hard things and have an easy life.”
How can we connect with you?
You can find more about her through her website. Her website’s URL is
You can read the first chapter of her book for free from her website.