How you can better understand how to take charge of your emotions? Some of our emotions are part of our past experiences and it’s up to us to learn how to shift them.
I talk about why you need to be aware of your state to shift. This will be your key to success and happiness.
Listen in to learn how your emotions affect the way you hold your body; why you need to focus on the good since you feel what you focus on. You will also learn why you need to start using meaningful and better words on yourself and others.
“Situations have no meaning except the meaning we assign to them.”
What you will learn:
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David has broken down a process to make you feel more at ease to sharing your truth. If you’re struggling with confrontation, how to talk about something that you really want, or how to talk about something that you’re ashamed of, but you’re not sure how to have the conversation, whether it’s with a partner, or work situation, David share’s a blueprint to make them easier. There are long term benefits to learning to embrace tough conversations rather than sweeping things under the rug. It’s natural to want to avoid discomfort but it’s critical to learn to embrace discomfort if you want to grow. In this episode, we talk about the tendency to sweep things under the rug, how to prepare for a tough conversation, the long-term benefits of sharing our truth, and so much more.
Why do we shy away from tough conversations?
The vulnerability of tough conversations is why. The mind is good at coming up with all the risks involved even though nine times out of ten the gain outweighs the potential cost. David wants to help people to see all the benefits.
How do we navigate what’s at stake?
You need to write down the hope and intention. Look at the gains as much as you have looked at the risks. What comes first is the short-term pain, then comes the long-term pain which is worse. And it is usually way bigger in our heads than it is in the other person’s head.
Do we not like to upset others?
It is ultimately a selfish reaction since we do not like to get upset when we upset others. We take away the choice of the other person when we decide not to have those tough conversations. Building trust and upholding your integrity are some of the major benefits of having these dreaded conversations. It is much better to take the short-term pain and change things earlier on to avoid long-term slow drama.
How do you invite people to start tough conversations when they feel they’re going to lose control or become highly emotional?
One question in the worksheet that David offers asks ‘what’s your hope or intention out of this?’ which prompts preparation. Being prepared yourself helps the other person to want to have the conversation. The other thing is to write down your concern and what you will gain from the conversation. The worksheet will help you and the other person not to blow up since you came in prepared. We don’t have the tough conversations because we’re attached to the outcome. But when we have them we lose most control and become curious about what the other person has to say.
Do you think that witnessing your sister’s death and it not being talked about in your home has impacted you?
David did not have a lot of ‘feelings communication’ from a young age. The lack of emotional intelligence in his home growing up led to him shooting down his feelings. This has influenced David to be an evangelist of change once he discovered that people can be authentic. He wants to give people the change they are looking for.
Do you think inmates hold on to pain that can cause more bad behavior since there’s so much that isn’t talked about?
Inmates have feelings just like the rest of us, even more, amplified because of the guilt and shame. They have less freedom to speak up which is why it’s hard to have those tough conversations. The difference between a boss and a correctional officer is that the boss only controls a small aspect of your life while the latter controls every aspect of your life. The stakes are higher for the inmates. David learned not to share everything on podcasts to avoid public shame. You do not have to share your shame with people you don’t necessarily care about since public shame is huge. He says he’s not a psychologist who would know about behavioral change but says that people who hold in their emotions will blow up at some point.
Are we afraid of tough conversations because we don’t realize if they will bring us more human connections?
The external result is the first promise of tough conversations, the second is becoming self-expressed, the third one is getting the connection and the fourth one that we get to reshape our reality. We have to allow our boundaries to be knocked down to shift our reality.
How do you think tough conversations relate to ‘I don’t like confrontation’ analogy?
David says nobody likes confrontation- not even him. This analogy is one of the things why we ignore important conversations. He suggests that when you realize the potential gains, you may decide its worth it and the more you do it the easier it gets. The worksheet makes it less confrontational and instead becomes more of a partnership since you are ready to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Do you often have people with ‘small tough conversations’?
Micro conversations are a great way to start. Start by addressing those small conversations as you move on to the bigger ones. You have to be aware of the threat that exists so that you can start that conversation.
What’s your vision for corporations and transforming cultures so that it can have a ripple effect in our world?
When you start complaining about something is when you know it’s a tough conversation. David’s vision is that every employee has access to in time coaching for tough conversations. This will help them improve their work situation and companies will make more profits. His secret mission is that everyone feels expressed, which will then create a world of leaders who change situations that don’t work for them. People quit toxic cultures not jobs. Many companies have toxic cultures where employees don’t have the opportunity to speak up- which is what David want to break so that employees don’t sabotage everything.
How much do you think role-playing helps?
It is hugely powerful. David switches the role which has turned out to be a more powerful tool.
Any last piece of advice?
Write down on a piece of paper the people you don’t feel wonderful with and place the issue next to them- which could be potential tough conversations that you may or may not want to have.
For support, podcast, and discovery session:
David Wood’s Website: http://playforreal.life/
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Polly Alexandre is a certified Master Coach, an Intuitive Healer & holds a BA in Psychology. She blends her extensive transformational coaching experience and intuitive healing abilities with 15 years experience as an entrepreneur. Polly overcame decades of self-limiting beliefs and negative patterns about money, to live the life she was always meant to live. After waking up with an idea that wouldn’t stop bothering her, she decided it was not a random event, she grabbed her journal and pen. The message she was getting was that she needed to heal her family lineage patterns around money and that when she did this, she would be able to help others do it as well. Now she travels between Ibiza, London, and LA, helping creative & spiritual entrepreneurs manifest the resources they need so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of - and give their greatest gifts to the world. In this episode, we talk about how she worked really hard to manifest her dreams and then how things fell apart, and through healing her family lineage patterns around money, she is able to help others create extraordinary expansion and abundance.
Polly Alexandre is a certified Master Coach, an Intuitive Healer & holds a BA in Psychology. She blends her extensive transformational coaching experience and intuitive healing abilities with 15 years experience as an entrepreneur. Polly overcame decades of self-limiting beliefs and negative patterns about money, to live the life she was always meant to live. After waking up with an idea that wouldn’t stop bothering her, she decided it was not a random event, she grabbed her journal and pen. The message she was getting was that she needed to heal her family lineage patterns around money, and that when she did this, she would be able to help others do it as well. Now she travels between Ibiza, London, and LA, helping creative & spiritual entrepreneurs manifest the resources they need so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of - and give their greatest gifts to the world. In this episode we talk about how she worked really hard to manifest her dreams and then how things fell apart, and through healing her family lineage patterns around money, she is able to help others create extraordinary expansion and abundance.
What were your struggles when it came to money?
Every aspect of money was a struggle. Earning it. Managing it. Talking about it. It all got to the point where the young wedding photographer blamed money for all the wrong things that came her way. Polly felt as if her life was controlled by her [lack of] money. Change took place once she left her corporate job. It was when Polly decided that she would become an entrepreneur that she took a serious look at what her talents and skills were worth, and priced her services accordingly. This change in lifestyle forced her to go out and be seen, since she was no longer office-bound.
How did you live your life while having a dysfunctional relationship with money?
Polly was able to distract herself from her money problems by telling herself that she did what she did out of passion and not money. Her unconscious belief was that earning more money equals sacrificing more happiness. This was what made her justify her underearning and mediocre lifestyle. Even at the beginning of her self-employed path, she underpriced herself for the longest time, thinking that this type of sacrifice is what success is made of. In other words, a lot of what Polly endured throughout her dysfunctional days were what she considered fact—that there were certain things regarding money that she just had to live with and had no control over.
When did you realize that change starts with you?
Polly always believed in the power of manifestation. Even as she grew up with the traditional employee paradigm of life, she attracted her way to financial freedom. However, as it always is when one sets a large goal for oneself, Polly’s world seemingly fell apart as soon as she decided she wanted more out of life than what she was given. A failed marriage, a repossessed home, and sky-high credit card debt were just three situations that took place in a short period of time, right after Polly decided to become her own boss. At her lowest point, she barely had enough money to put food on the table and to put petrol in her car. With no other place to turn, Polly dropped everything and prayed, leaving everything up to God. Soon after, she found a mentor, and built up her business once she finally made the switch to understanding that income is a tool and not an identity. In her words, she went from being a victim to being a creator.
How do money and spirituality relate with one another?
Money and spirituality are not two completely different worlds, contrary to what most people believe. Losing almost everything in her adult life caused Polly to release her attachments to material things and rely on a higher power. Once she accepted that there is a purpose to everything, including the bad times, her spirituality was truly awakened. From that point onwards, whenever her earnings hit a plateau, Polly took that as a sign that she had some growing to do inside. To her, it all starts with changing your unconscious beliefs and opening up your sense of intuition. She looks to methods such as theta healing to achieve this.
What is theta healing?
Theta healing is basically an energy healing modality. It doesn’t involve physical contact, unlike Reiki. Instead, it is a completely dialogue-based modality of healing that focuses on eradicating limiting beliefs. It also doesn’t look at symptoms, but at root causes. Polly likens it to a game of Jenga, wherein pulling out the bottommost block topples the entire structure.
What are some signs of a negative mindset towards money?
The first sign, according to Polly, is out-of-control or dysfunctional spending—or emotional spending, whether overspending or underspending. Another sign is that of a yo-yo pattern, wherein your income goes up and down on a regular basis. Yet another is avoiding or denying that you have a money problem—”winging it” or hoping that you continue to have enough money without paying attention to what’s in your wallet or bank account. Being afraid of asking for, or holding onto, money is another sign that can be particularly deadly for a self-employed professional or entrepreneur, particularly when you fear raising your rates, eventually losing money due to inflation.
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Confidence comes from connecting with your unlimited potential. The thoughts in your head, the limited sense of self, is not who you are. You are unlimited potential.
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The transformation that has happened for me since diving into personal development.
Terri Cole is a New York-based licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and founder of Real Love Revolution™ & Terri Cole's Boundary Bootcamp™Before earning a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychotherapy from New York University and adopting a daily meditation/green juice/exercise lifestyle, she worked as a talent agent for actors an d supermodels. She was your typical Type A overachiever with zero balance and no internal peace. Her ambition and fearless attitude fanned the “must get to the top” flames as I zipped across the country from Los Angeles to New York City fueled by caffeine, nicotine, and adrenalin. (I was shocked to discover that espresso is not a food group!)
When it became evident that the things (money, power, sexy job) that I thought would make me happy - didn’t, I could no longer ignore the voice in my heart asking, “Isn’t there something more meaningful you could be doing with your life than making supermodels richer?”
What she learned in the trenches with my clients informed and continues to inspire the work I do today. Her mission and dharma is teaching women how to attract and sustain healthy, vibrant, Real Love into their lives and how to establish and maintain effective boundaries with ease and grace.
How do you get over being “triggered”?
Information is liberation. Embrace whatever it is that you know you need to hear, in spite of the short-term pain. If this is something that potentially needs your attention, slowly but surely find the courage to give it that attention. Healing may require a lot of unlearning. But it starts with giving yourself permission to pause and realizing that it all starts and ends with you. “Soothe yourself with the knowledge that nothing is required of you,” says Terri. “We’re never required to change.”
What are some signs of codependent tendencies or patterns?
Codependency is all about covert control. A telltale sign is when you are overly-invested in the decisions of the people that you care about. By “overly-invested”, Terri means that, if anything bad is happening to your partner, you feel as if it is happening to you—as if it is your burden to bear. We then tend to give the other person unasked-for advice and get angry if they don’t accept it. The key, as opposed to codependency, is interdependency, where each partner adds value according to their strengths, and the emotional burden is equally shared.
How do you deal with the fear of losing those you love?
It’s easy to confuse this behavior with love itself. You may believe that your actions, prompted by this fear, are loving. “Who died and made me God?” asked Terri once she became aware that she was thinking and acting in this way. She eventually realized that helping people means supporting them in doing what they think they need to do in their life. This means not doing it for them; but instead giving them space to do it themselves, of their own volition. Believe in other people’s potential; that they are the only ones who can achieve their fullest potential.
Why is your self-awareness (or lack thereof) the first thing to focus on?
You are always the common denominator in your life: Change starts within you. Therefore, you need to become aware of the things you say or do that harm you and those around you. Identify the original belief or paradigm out of which your codependence was born. Notice the lies you tell yourself to avoid having conversations you feel ill-equipped to have, drawing boundaries you don’t know how to draw, and avoiding the things you fear (ex. abandonment, judgement, losing love, etc.).
When it comes to you and your partner, it helps to drop our ego and any feeling of self-entitlement. You’re both sharing your respective strengths to make the relationship work day by day. You’re building what Terri calls a well of goodwill. The more developed this well of goodwill is, the more you and your partner will remember, in hard times, that “it’s you and me against the problem rather than each other.”
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Brandi Fano broke out of generational patterns of dysfunction, disease, and divorce, and fought for her freedom. After enduring trauma and pain through the first two decades of her life, Brandi decided to create an experience of wholeness. Since making the commitment to changing her future, she has drastically shifted into a state of optimal wellness and energy, applying the methods of success she’s learned and developed. Brandi went from broke and in debt to thriving in business, with companies she built from the ground up exceeding a million dollars annually. She has a thriving marriage to her husband of fourteen years and they have three beautiful children who have been raised completely drug/medicine free. She is authentically living her best life, and on a mission to help others do the same. In this episode we talk about having faith, giving up something good for something great, taking charge of your health, and so much more.
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