Where are you stuck? What’s holding you back?
We have all these reasons why we can’t do the things we can’t do what we want.
But what’s really holding us back is fear.
The number one thing that stops us is our fear. Now any time you're feeling stuck you can ask yourself What am I afraid of?
And you can keep asking yourself this question.
And when I ask clients this questions it usually boils down to fear of failure and if we fail that we won’t be loved...
I hear… I’m afraid of failing or being rejected (Which in some form is failing).. so we’re going to lump rejection into a form of failure…
And we’re afraid if we fail ….that it means were not good enough…and if we’re not good enough…we won’t be loved.
Fundamentally this is the thing that we all are afraid of. Every single human being has fear and experiences fear often. But how you manage it is what makes the difference in the results you create. Its what separates those who are being bold — taking action — and intentionally designing their life… from those who are living by default… making all types of decisions and choices from a place of what if it doesn’t work out…what if i fail.
So, if you're wondering why am I not doing that thing that I want to do… I know what I want to do but I”m not doing it… I know i want a new job but i’m not applying.. i know i want to be in a relationship but i’m not putting myself out there… i know i want my own business but i’m not starting it… i know i want these amazing clients but i’m not promoting myself…
If you want to know why your not doing something — why your stuck — it’s because there is some conscious or subconscious fear — …looking stupid..not being perfect…not getting the love or the approval we desire.
When I've asked clients what does it mean if you fail? There might be some type of loss…loss in money, loss in identity, loss in relationship…
But most of the time… if we simplify it — it means something didn’t work out the way we want it to.. or expected it to or imagined it would.
Let me say that again.. something didn’t work out the way you wanted it to or expected it to or imagined it.
DOES THAT MEAN YOU FAILED? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And this is where most people stop, quit or give up.
They try something — it doesn’t work out… and they say they failed… and they quit! AH.
Failure could be trying and it not working out or failure could be not trying right.
So let's just try to do stuff and if it doesn't work out you know if it doesn't work out right away like try again and try again the first time you walked you didn't stand up and just start walking. You fell down you stood up again fell down you stood up again. Right. This is part of the process right of. You expect it.
Expect some failure. Expect some rejection. And don't give it any meaning about you that there's something wrong with you or that you're not good enough.
We're just we're just kind of self-loathing and creating this storyline of how limited we are — we we’re not… if something doesn't work how does it mean that there was something wrong or we're not enough. Right? Just follow the logic.
We really need to investigate how or mind are working - and just see… how we are holding ourselves back.. instead of growing into embracing imperfections, stumbling along the way, and becoming more resilient, more confident, more interesting, more brave, and courageous.
Take those steps — send that email, make that phone call… in fact… i want to invite you to expect failure… don’t be so afraid of it… make friend with it… we have become so sensitive… you can handle if someone says NO to you…believe me.. you can handle it… LEARN
If you are learning… you are WINNING.
See how that lands if you say “I failed” versus “this didn't work out.” It's a lot more gentle. And within that space of something not working out we can expand on that and ask what didn't work out? what can we do differently next time? and then we can then we can really access the learning opportunity. Right.
But if we use these really big overgeneralized words of failure or rejection. And when we use these really harsh words like I'm a failure or we begin to strengthen this idea or belief about ourselves that we’re not good enough and we actually want to go in a different direction we actually want to want to start to cultivate an understanding that we already are enough. We want to strengthen our potential of possibility …and what’s possible for us… to consciously create and design a life we love!