Chris Winfield is known as the "The Super Connector" and has worked with entrepreneurs, authors and people from many of the world’s best known companies, including Disney, Virgin, Macy’s, Viacom, Conde Nast, Intuit & NBC to help them get more publicity, make connections and give their messaging something I call, the 'Unfair Advantage Effect'. It's what happens when your 'Unique Position', plugs into a 'Mass Audience' and leverages 'Media Credibility'... these three qualities create your 'Unfair Advantage and turn you into a Trusted Authority in your market. Which only makes it easier and easier to work your way up the 'Power & Impact' food chain. Once the acceleration starts, the momentum just continues to multiply. Not only has he helped his private clients in my New York Agency, but he’s personally been featured in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, NBC's Today Show, USA Today, Fast Company, Forbes, and hundreds of other media outlets. He’s the Editor-at-Large for Arianna Huffington's ThriveGlobal, a columnist for TIME, Business Insider, INC. and the host of a show for Entrepreneur Magazine.
Were you a shy kid growing up?
Chris was not shy at all. He had a lot of friends right from his childhood. He does a lot of work around networking and meeting people but he still has an anxiety or a feeling of not belonging to a particular group. Chris says his ultimate goal is to remove that anxiety and feeling of not belonging to a group within himself and from the people he works with.
Do you agree that anything new is a little bit anxiety provoking?
Chris truly believes that whenever human beings undergo something new or different, they are bound to experience anxiety. There is also a scientific explanation to that. The amygdala of our brain which is also called the lizard brain wants us to stay safe. It resists change and Chris feels that is where the anxiety comes from. However, he thinks it is completely natural to feel that way whenever we are about to do or experience something new. What really matters is what we do in response to this feeling of unease. How we respond to it and what action do we take to deal with our anxiety really matters.
What was your most recent breakdown breakthrough moment?
The most recent major event was about almost six years ago. This happened when a company that Chris had co-founded completely imploded. Every bad thing you can imagine seemed to happen back then. Chris says throughout his life he had been able to succeed in his professional life through building connections and networking with people. He started to think more in terms of himself rather than the people around him, even his family. He shares this incident when his company was almost near to its bankruptcy and inevitable closure. Chris recalls he was on an important call and back then every call seemed very important. Chris was so busy on the call that he even ignored his three-year-old daughter when she came to her asking for something to eat. Chris only realized this when he saw his daughter take something out of the refrigerator and prepare her meal on her own. Chris says he had been so much involved and occupied in this call that he even ignored the single most important person in his life; his daughter. He hung up the call, sat down and realized he had to change everything in his life. He did not know what that meant and how he could do it. It started off with some very small changes. One of the things he realized was that he had become very disconnected with people around him and very focused on what he could get.
Do you consider yourself a spiritual person? What does spirituality mean to you?
Chris definitely thinks he is a spiritual person. For him, spirituality means having a strong relationship with the higher power. For him, it is God. When he remembers God, he realizes he is not the one who is running everything and that is really comforting for him. A lot of times, we are not in control of a lot of things and to rely on some external omnipotent entity can be really soothing. He believes in free will and he believes that the better his actions would be, better would be the outcome. However, at the end of the day, it comes down to his relationship with God because Chris believes you cannot control the outcome of everything in your life.
What inspires you to improve your life and the life of others around you?
The feeling he gets when he is able to help someone realize the fuller idea of themselves or enabling them to see their full potential is a great source of inspiration for Chris. When Chris talks about connecting people, it means connecting them to other great people or to their full potential.
You have this coaching program in your business named ‘Unfair Advantage’, what is it about?
Unfair Advantage came from a small mastermind group that Chris was a part of. The group is called the ‘dad mastermind’ and it consists of famous entrepreneurs like Todd Herman, Jonathan Fields, Ryan Lee, and more. Chris attends this meeting every 45 days. It was in last March when the participants asked Chris to do what he does best. Chris had no idea what they were talking about. They said they describe Chris as their unfair advantage because he is always able to connect them with the right people for media, or partnerships or clients or a contractor, whatever they need it, he finds a way for them through his connections. Chris thought about it for a while and realized he had been doing this excessively for the past five years. In this program, Chris helps entrepreneurs get the right kind of publicity for their business. Through his vast connections and extremely good networking skills, Chris helps young entrepreneurs showcase their services and helps them publicize their businesses.
What do you do to be more open and resilient to challenges and difficulties?
Chris spends a lot of time on himself. He works one-on-one with an energy healer. He does a lot of journaling as well. He tries to take every advantage that he can take. Anything that he feels can be helpful for his self-improvement, Chris makes sure to make the most out of it.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice that he has ever been given came from his mentor. He introduced Chris to gratitude. He asked Chris to text him three things Chris was grateful for every day. He once said to Chris “You have a responsibility to be a better person”. It is so unbelievably simple to follow this advice. Chris starts each day of his life to become a better version of himself by the end of the day. Chris says the easiest way to improve yourself is to help someone else become a better version of themselves. This would eventually help you become a better person.
How can we connect with you?
At the beginning of the year I set an intention that I wanted to learn how to sing and some of that was because I wanted to explore accessing my voice more getting in touch with speaking from my voice and really feeling the energy of my voice and hoping that Wanda will help me get over some of my fear of public speaking but also just released some blocks around really speaking my voice and in the beginning of the year I had somebody that was assisting me on getting me on podcasts. And so she had reached out to somebody for me to be interviewed on her podcast. And so then she interviewed me on her podcast her name is Ariane and she actually is a voice coach. So at the end of the podcast, I told her what my goal was and I hired her to become my voice coach so we would talk every about every week sometimes twice a month. We would do singing lessons and so we built this relationship and then I interviewed her on my podcast for episode number ninety one which was claiming your voice the power of your voice and in the podcast, she said something that stood out to me and she was talking about the Avatar course.
I became curious about it. I had heard her talk about it several times but then she said a couple of things on the interview that stood out to me. At the end of the interview, I asked her about the Avatar course -- in which she told me she would talk to me about the Avatar course and we set up a time to talk about it. I knew that I would benefit from this course but had a lot of resistance around going to the course. I mean leaving my family going by myself. I just felt resistant to it. But at the same time, I felt like this calling like I knew that it would help me. And I knew that it would bust through some of my blocks that I felt like I had been experiencing. And you know she told me that the course was July. At this time, it was the end of June and I thought "I can't make it happen that quickly." It was too much of a mind shift for me to just be like "Alright I'm going to leave." But then we talked about a couple of things. She said, "You know your evolvement will help your family will help your son." And that really resonated with me. So I said to my husband, "I need to go on this trip. It's these dates." He said, "Okay." I booked my trip and I was ready I was ready to go but I was still feeling a little fear and resistance around it.
Three weeks later I get on the plane fly out of Florida and I get there. It was different from any other personal development or self-development course I had ever been to. There were people from all over the world. It was very unfamiliar. There weren't a lot of people who were my age (I'm 37). So a lot of people were either older and there actually were kids there that were doing this work too. And I had really had no idea what to expect. So you know I signed up I got the books and I started doing the workbook. And then you get assigned to a one-on-one mentor. I didn't know I would get one-on-one attention like that.
Essentially what we did was we really dove into our blueprint what beliefs have we formed what ideas do we have about our identity the world our self and just through asking questions through the question in the workbook and through different exercises just exploring what comes out right. And it was really profound. I mean the number of breakthroughs I had.
I don't think I've ever had that many breakthroughs in my life so much so that I started feeling unstable like I was feeling under rounded and they actually had to walk me through like a five-step process of getting more grounded through actually touching physical things like they had me pick up an object and hold it and describe what it felt like and then compare it to another object that I had picked up and describe what the difference between the two objects just so I could get more grounded and present in the room because once I kind of busted through my old belief system maybe feel really in balance and I guess I'll just tell you a little bit about a process that they took us through it I'm jumping way ahead to the work. But all breakthroughs begin with a breakthrough in belief. So it's like what beliefs are you operating from. And I consider myself somebody who's pretty introspective I guess. I do this work with clients so I ask myself these questions all the time and I could spew out my living beliefs pretty easily. Even the woman that was working with me was like wow this is this seems pretty easy for you. But the big difference for me was understanding the origin of the belief and I've done this before with clients and things like this but this was different because once we identified what a belief was we looked at it and we looked. Is this helpful or is this impeding? Now it is interesting because some beliefs like there is a belief I had that I'm fortunate. And while I thought that would be helpful I realized it was actually impeding. And the reason why is I was settling for things because I'd go Well I'm fortunate or at least I have this. And it was actually an impeding belief rather than a helpful belief. So if you can identify like okay like is this belief impeding or is this helpful. A lot of the beliefs we have.
They came from society our parents, teachers, maybe even the sports arena siblings culture religion and they were using the term in this course indoctrination meaning you didn't deliberately choose to have this belief this belief was kind of imposed on you in some way. So the next layer was to uncover. Was this something that was deliberate or was this indoctrinated. And so if we take my belief I'm fortunate I picked that up from someone along the way. It wasn't something that I think I intentionally chose. That's different from me but really choosing the belief. But I probably heard someone or somebody say along the way. Well, you should be lucky for what you have or you're very fortunate. And while that is true I was actually using it in a way that was impeding and therefore it wasn't deliberate. So the other piece is that if your attention is on these old beliefs or these beliefs that are impeding it robs some of your attention and if you don't have free attention then you don't have a choice. So a lot of the time we don't actually sit down and take out the trash that's in our mind. We just keep going. Imagine if you had a car and you never took it in the shop to get fixed. Like obviously that car wouldn't run well but also if you know were experiencing you know a bumpy path and you took it into the shop. The first thing one of the first things you would probably do is lift up the hood and a lot of time we don't investigate our beliefs or our thoughts or what the inner workings of our mind we just kind of keep going and we're not really taught this these skills in school and it's quite uncomfortable.
I mean I felt very uncomfortable because some of it is like it's surprising you don't even know what's going to come out sometime. But in the end it was so freeing. Afterward, I could literally feel a release and then I did feel like I had more free attention and then I can direct that attention towards what I want what I want to create. OK. So you might be thinking Anna all of this is great. You know some of it makes sense some of it might be a little bit confusing but like. Now what. What do I do? How can I identify what are some of these beliefs that are blocking me and part of my blueprint that isn't getting me the results that I want. And that's a great question because there is a process so essentially you know I used to think that that is true that your beliefs create your reality. But now I understand that it's an experience. Reality is an experience right. So like if you and I go to the same movie we each are going to have our own experience of that reality. So whatever your experience is is the reality that you're creating where does your experience come from? It doesn't come from the movie out there it comes from your own internal experience. So, if something is hard or let's say you're stuck in some area in your life whether it be health relationships your family a business your career. Look at that. The first question is what would I like to change?
So then you identify what you would like to change so if you have a moment I would say pause this and write down what is it that you would like to change. The next question is what belief might someone have in order to experience a let's say fear of talking to people that you don't know though if you have a moment pause this and write down the question and write down your answer the next question is how do you prove that this belief is true. So writing down like behaviors habits patterns tendencies that you do to prove this belief to be true. So I'm going to give you an example. This was an example taken from the workbook. It's called resurfacing techniques for exploring consciousness resurfacing by Harry Palmer.
So the guide asks, "What would you like to change?"
STUDENT: My fear of talking to people I don't know.
GUIDE: What belief might someone have in order to experience a fear of talking to people. He doesn't know.
STUDENT: People might say something bad.
GUIDE: How do you prove this belief to be true?
STUDENT I've got examples. I've seen it happen. I've done it.
(keep going until there is a breakthrough)
GUIDE: What other belief might someone have. In order to experience a fear of talking to people he doesn't know?
STUDENT: I might say something stupid.
GUIDE: How do you prove this belief is true?
STUDENT: I said something really stupid to my friend's wife.
GUIDE: What other belief might someone have in order to experience a fear of talking to people he doesn't know?
STUDENT: Don't talk to strangers. It's good advice for children. Aha. I just realized something. It's not because I don't know them that I don't talk to them it's because they don't know me. I'm the stranger. The belief is strangers are dangerous.
This is a beautiful process. That's the end of the process. But it doesn't always end there. But the idea is to keep asking the question about what belief might someone have in order to experience the fear. You can do this around comparison. You can do this around any area that you're stuck and then you want to ask yourself the question how do you prove that believed to be true and you keep going with it. Now I'm going to tell you another step that I've integrated on my own with this question is to almost all beliefs are motivated by three things they're either motivated by modeling someone like we saw somebody do it or we heard somebody do it. That was in our sphere most likely growing up that had an influence on us in some capacity. My mentor my mentor that was there told me a great story about this she said that when she was in her 20s she had this fear of birds and she couldn't figure out where it came from me you know and it was just like you know she was she had this fear of birds and she said and then one day she went back to her hometown.
She lived on her own at the time so she went back and visited her mother and she saw that her mother was afraid of birds and she realized oh that belief wasn't mine. It was my mom's and because she was able to understand that that belief wasn't hers. She could let it go. Another motivation behind forming beliefs is resistance so there's resistance behind some behavior. So let's say your mom was super unorganized and then you became like a neat freak. So you're kind of do the opposite or obedience like somebody said like you know you should grow up and get a 9 to 5 job and you just like follow the rules. So identifying where the motivation of that belief began. So that's a step that I've been adding to the equation it is part of the process but this is a really big process but I just wanted to give you a snapshot and share a little bit about some breakthroughs that I had with the intention of hoping that you can get use out of this and if you have any questions you can always reach out to me.
If you want to set up a complimentary coaching call to learn more about this process and how I can help you go to annagoldstein.com/coach
Jillian Turecki is a relationship expert, yoga teacher and public speaker who for 18 years, has been studying the art and science of fulfillment. Under the masterful guidance of Anthony Robbins, Jillian is certified by the Robbins Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention known for employing innovative strategic solutions to the most pervasive difficult problems. Fueled by an insatiable curiosity about what makes a relationship thrive, her mission is to help both singles and couples strengthen their relationship with themselves so that they ultimately transform their relationships with others. Jillian is expertly trained in working with the individual, couples, and families, and is sought out for her compassionate, direct, and very authentic style of coaching and teaching.
“Our entire experience of life boils down to relationship. From the intimacy we crave with a partner to the success we achieve through our work. None of it is possible without understanding our own psychology and the psychology of those we relate to. We never learned this at school, but it is learnable. To be able to communicate masterfully, that is, to transcend our insecurities, hurt and reactivity is a skill essential to our personal fulfillment.”
What do you think is most important in a relationship?
If we talk about an intimate relationship, there are a lot of things that are very important to maintain a healthy relationship. The most important part would be respected. It is very difficult to be in a relationship if you do not have respect for yourself. If you do not respect your partner in a relationship, it is impossible to have any sort of intimacy.
What do you have to say about self-respect? How can someone disrespect themselves?
Self-respect is about honoring where you are and also giving yourself a little push to move forward and grow. Self-respect starts by respecting yourself first. Many times we start disrespecting ourselves through our thoughts that we have about ourselves and doubts e have about ourselves. Most of us indulge in destructive self-talks, addictions or bad habits which actually implies disrespecting ourselves. Every individual needs to decide what self-respect means to them since these standards can vary from person to person. For some people, self-respect might mean saying no to more things and for others, it might mean saying yes to more things. It all depends on how you are living your life and what you need.
How closely do you think respect is to settle down in a relationship?
It varies from person to person. You should always ask yourself what respect means to you and share it with your partner. You have to share that with yourself. Jillian thinks it is very important that people have an honest conversation with themselves when they are disrespected by their partner and share it with their partners. If you feel perpetually disrespected, you need to look deep into it. Make sure you stand up for yourself and make sure to show the other person to respect you as an individual. It is very important to have a conversation with your partner about self-respect if you feel disrespected in a relationship.
How can someone build their self-esteem again if they have been in a toxic relationship in past?
If you have low self-esteem regardless of the fact that you are in a relationship or single, you need to work your self-esteem very quickly. It is very difficult to build any sort of intimacy in a relationship if you have low self-esteem. If you are single and you are searching for a partner thinking in the back of your mind that this person would help you boost your self-esteem, that is probably the biggest mistake you can ever commit. People around you can only help you grow, but it is down to you to improve your self-esteem. The fastest way to improve your self-esteem is to commit yourself to grow and to do things that make you feel alive.
How can we improve our communication in relationships?
All the rules that apply to real-world communication cannot be applied in a relationship. Communication rules in relationships are totally different. Jillian shares three ways to improve your communication to the next level in a relationship. They are the following:
If you are in an intimate relationship with someone, that person is definitely aware of your energy even if they do not think in terms of energy and cannot put it in words. Human beings can naturally feel other people’s joy and stress.
Can you talk a little about emotional fitness and how we can integrate it in relationships?
Emotional fitness is definitely not about not feeling your emotions. If you have a habit of stuffing your emotions, then you are emotionally not fit. Emotions do two things; they either move through us or get stuck in us somewhere in our bodies. All of us have some emotions that are stuck in us. Emotional fitness is not about being perfect rather it's about self-awareness. You have to be super-aware, you have to take action and you have to have insight in yourself.
There are two action steps that can be taken to become aware of yourself. It takes a little bit more effort on the inside and it involves writing down what makes you come alive, what makes you happy or excites you. Commit yourself to make space for that action or habit that gives you the freedom to explore yourself and gives you joy. The second thing that can be done to become emotionally fit is to begin your day by doing something that can help you reduce stress. You have to prepare yourself to deal with stress. Stress is more about how you respond to it and how you integrate it in your body.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The best advice she has been given was from her mom who often used to say to her to “pull up her socks” when Jillian was struggling through her life. It was more like a metaphor which meant to get her head together and move forward.
How can we connect with you?
You can connect with her through her website. Her website’s URL is
Jillian is planning to start a membership program for people who want to gain emotional fitness and deal with stress in way that does not effect their mental and emotional fitness. You can find more about the program through her website.
You can also follow her on Instagram through the following URL
Jillian recently launched Emotional Fitness Monthly, the first ever membership based plan 100% focused on teaching people just how to do this.
To learn more about how to join Emotional Fitness Monthly: http://www.jillianturecki.com/efm
Her newest course, “Grit and Grace: Rehab for the Broken Hearted” is for a limited group of women going through an intense breakup/divorce. To apply for a phone consult, please email at email@example.com
Where are you stuck? What’s holding you back?
We have all these reasons why we can’t do the things we can’t do what we want.
But what’s really holding us back is fear.
The number one thing that stops us is our fear. Now any time you're feeling stuck you can ask yourself What am I afraid of?
And you can keep asking yourself this question.
And when I ask clients this questions it usually boils down to fear of failure and if we fail that we won’t be loved...
I hear… I’m afraid of failing or being rejected (Which in some form is failing).. so we’re going to lump rejection into a form of failure…
And we’re afraid if we fail ….that it means were not good enough…and if we’re not good enough…we won’t be loved.
Fundamentally this is the thing that we all are afraid of. Every single human being has fear and experiences fear often. But how you manage it is what makes the difference in the results you create. Its what separates those who are being bold — taking action — and intentionally designing their life… from those who are living by default… making all types of decisions and choices from a place of what if it doesn’t work out…what if i fail.
So, if you're wondering why am I not doing that thing that I want to do… I know what I want to do but I”m not doing it… I know i want a new job but i’m not applying.. i know i want to be in a relationship but i’m not putting myself out there… i know i want my own business but i’m not starting it… i know i want these amazing clients but i’m not promoting myself…
If you want to know why your not doing something — why your stuck — it’s because there is some conscious or subconscious fear — …looking stupid..not being perfect…not getting the love or the approval we desire.
When I've asked clients what does it mean if you fail? There might be some type of loss…loss in money, loss in identity, loss in relationship…
But most of the time… if we simplify it — it means something didn’t work out the way we want it to.. or expected it to or imagined it would.
Let me say that again.. something didn’t work out the way you wanted it to or expected it to or imagined it.
DOES THAT MEAN YOU FAILED? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And this is where most people stop, quit or give up.
They try something — it doesn’t work out… and they say they failed… and they quit! AH.
Failure could be trying and it not working out or failure could be not trying right.
So let's just try to do stuff and if it doesn't work out you know if it doesn't work out right away like try again and try again the first time you walked you didn't stand up and just start walking. You fell down you stood up again fell down you stood up again. Right. This is part of the process right of. You expect it.
Expect some failure. Expect some rejection. And don't give it any meaning about you that there's something wrong with you or that you're not good enough.
We're just we're just kind of self-loathing and creating this storyline of how limited we are — we we’re not… if something doesn't work how does it mean that there was something wrong or we're not enough. Right? Just follow the logic.
We really need to investigate how or mind are working - and just see… how we are holding ourselves back.. instead of growing into embracing imperfections, stumbling along the way, and becoming more resilient, more confident, more interesting, more brave, and courageous.
Take those steps — send that email, make that phone call… in fact… i want to invite you to expect failure… don’t be so afraid of it… make friend with it… we have become so sensitive… you can handle if someone says NO to you…believe me.. you can handle it… LEARN
If you are learning… you are WINNING.
See how that lands if you say “I failed” versus “this didn't work out.” It's a lot more gentle. And within that space of something not working out we can expand on that and ask what didn't work out? what can we do differently next time? and then we can then we can really access the learning opportunity. Right.
But if we use these really big overgeneralized words of failure or rejection. And when we use these really harsh words like I'm a failure or we begin to strengthen this idea or belief about ourselves that we’re not good enough and we actually want to go in a different direction we actually want to want to start to cultivate an understanding that we already are enough. We want to strengthen our potential of possibility …and what’s possible for us… to consciously create and design a life we love!